Frozen
by myonlinelifeismorephantastic
Summary: No matter how cold it is outside Phil can always find a way to set Dan's heart on fire. (TW: Extremely slight mentions of self-hate/depression in one paragraph)
'It's fucking freezing, Phil. What the _hell_ are we doing out here?'

Flurries of snow were kicked up as the brunet angrily scuffed his feet at the ground, hands jammed in his pockets in any attempt to stay just a bit warmer. Up until now, while he hadn't exactly been _enthusiastic_ about his boyfriend's plans for a secret day trip, surprises _were_ frustrating after all, Dan had been willing to play along just to humour the elder. Now it had become a different story all together however, as soon as it was obvious Phil was driving far, far away from civilization and well into what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. Dan's mood had been steadily dropping from the moment it was apparent the otherwise deserted car park at the base of, what looked to Dan, like a very large hill, would be their final destination. He wasn't quite sure _what_ he'd been expecting when Phil had told him to 'put on something warm', but it certainly wasn't what _this_ was shaping up to be.

'We're going on a walk,' Phil called back happily from by the boot of their car where he was busy checking and double checking every pocket in the backpack and then the same with his coat like his life depended on it, leaving Dan to slowly freeze behind him. Unaware of his boyfriend's less than happy state, Phil turned around finally, having slammed the boot shut, with the biggest grin on his face. He looked like a child with a new puppy but Dan certainly wasn't buying it. Since when was Phil ever one for countryside walks in the afternoon?

'This isn't a fucking _walk_ ; look at that hill!' Dan complained as Phil walked over to join him at the base of the path it seemed apparent they'd be taking. _What the hell is Phil playing at here_ , Dan wondered with a scowl on his face he cast towards the looming mountain. In all reality it wasn't exactly Mount Everest they were staring up at, much more a stepped path that gently wound its way around the edge of a tiny blip in the landscape, but to Dan, any elevation meant more effort than he was prepared to put into life, so there wasn't much difference.

'This is a _hike_ you're taking me on,' he muttered, emphasizing the word with a certain disgust it probably didn't deserve as he turned the scowl back to Phil. Wrapping his arms more tightly across his chest Dan was trying to make a show of how cold he was, hoping that would make Phil change his mind before they started. When Phil had a plan though, there wasn't much Dan would be able to do to stop him, and Phil was relying on Dan growing tired of his resistance and giving in eventually, because this one plan he had in mind for today was quite an important one although so far it didn't seem to be going so well.

'Okay, yeah, maybe it is a little bit,' Phil admitted, throwing an anxious glance away from his boyfriend towards the offending hill. A nervous gesture, his hand came to his chest, resting over his heart for a moment before he began fiddling with the zip on the front of his jacket to cover the action. Maybe this hadn't been the best idea after all, he thought; he _had_ hoped Dan would warm a little easier to the idea once he saw it was something Phil wanted to do. The hill really wasn't that bad, they could see the top from here, and the guidebook said it was only two miles, but this was Dan Howell Phil was trying to drag up there. Maybe he should put it off for another day.

'Phil, you made me wear hiking boots. This is a hike,' Dan grumbled, indicating down to his snow covered 'hiking boots', which were probably more accurately just glorified trainers, but Phil could see Dan wasn't much in the mood to argue. It had seemed like such a good idea this morning, quality time spent away from their daily lives and everyone else, something a little different, a nice romantic picnic at the top... Unfortunately on the one day they could get off Phil didn't realise it would be quite this cold; Dan would probably be a little more receptive if it didn't look like it was about to start snowing all over again on top of the foot or so that already existed from the last few days.

'Come on, babe. It's not that bad,' Phil murmured hopefully, tugging gently on Dan's arm from beside him and stepping closer, twisting him to look back up at the hill where he'd turned once more to glare at the older boy, not happy with him at all. 'Look, it's not even that steep; it's steps all the way according to the brochure,' he pointed out helpfully, but Dan shook him off causing Phil's smile to fall.

'It's below freezing, Phil. It's like… negative ten or something out here,' Dan glared angrily as Phil pouted. One thing he wanted to do with his boyfriend and Dan had to go and try and ruin it. Did he not realise today would be sort of important for them? Had Phil not hinted to Dan enough how much he wanted them to have this day together? Maybe it was the whole secretive location thing that had been a mistake; Dan didn't like surprises much after all.

'It's not that bad, Dan. Stop being so melodramatic please,' Phil sighed, not wanting to get angry with his boyfriend but it _was_ frustrating when he'd had such a perfect expectation of today and now it just wasn't following his plan at all. He needed to pull this back though; if he got mad too it would ruin the whole day and it was supposed to be such a perfect one, it would be a shame to ruin it. Taking a deep breath, Phil promised himself he would pull Dan around no matter what it took. He wouldn't let the day go to waste if he could help it.

'I can't feel my anything!' Dan complained, throwing his hands out with the exaggeration before making a show of rubbing his palms together, blowing hot air on them as he met Phil's gaze with his own not-quite-angry glare anymore. As cold as it was Dan was still sort of curious as to what exactly Phil was aiming for here. This being nothing more than a casual walk in the countryside seemed a little suspicious now Dan thought of it, and he couldn't help but wonder what Phil was up to. His complaining now was probably done more out of spite, punishing the older boy for having such crap taste in day trip, rather than it being Dan actually not wanting to spend any time with Phil, because that _had_ never and _would_ never be the case.

Phil immediately noticed the slight change in Dan's attitude, naturally, and hoped that meant he was already succeeding in his goals, already winning, but that certainly didn't mean he would stop teasing the younger boy for complaining. Dan wasn't going to get away with it that easily.

'Did you put on those thermals I gave you?' Phil questioned, repressing the grin that was threatening to spread across his face. Dan frowned upon seeing the fighting beginnings of a smile curve up at the edges of Phil's lips as he thought back to the very beginning of his problems this morning. It had been a perfectly great morning, Phil unexpectedly making him breakfast in bed but in retrospect that had probably been a ploy to loosen Dan up to Phil's crazy idea as the fun came crashing down as soon as Phil handed Dan the pair of thermals they'd only bought last winter because their heating broke. That certainly hadn't been the most fun of Januarys, although it _had_ meant spending quite a few freezing nights cuddling very closely indeed. This morning, however, the heating was working just fine so the reappearance of thermal underwear made Dan somewhat suspicious.

'Yes!' Dan replied defensively, not liking the look of Phil's smug grin. 'Two pairs because my crazy boyfriend decided to take me walking in sub-Arctic temperatures,' he accused, rubbing his hands up and down his arms in any attempt to create a bit of friction, stepping from foot to foot as he shivered, hoping Phil realised the full impact of his mistakes. God, he was going to make the older boy pay for this later.

Phil, however, could ignore the quip quite easily because he was still focused on turning this day around and winning Dan over, keeping the mood light so he could distract the younger boy from what was hardly 'sub-Arctic' temperatures, but Dan was a complainer by nature, it was to be expected. Phil thought he was also being sort of adorable on purpose, though, bouncing about in the snow with an upset pout set on his face while he complained. That expression made him just want to wrap Dan up in the biggest hug ever, although right now he was sure his boyfriend would probably reject the comfort just to stay bitter.

'Hmm,' Phil replied thoughtfully, slightly too loudly for it to be just to himself. 'That's why your jeans look a little tight,' he mused through a smirk that Dan cast a glare at, although the expression was nowhere near as cold as the winter air. Still, he was cold so he wasn't quite sure if he was in the mood for Phil's teasing, even if the less than sly glance Phil gave towards his ass, quite blatantly checking him out, did send a familiar little shiver down Dan's spine that wasn't from the cold this time.

'Phil, I'm frozen here, a human popsicle! Now's not the time,' he muttered as Phil laughed, moving closer when Dan tried to step away, rejecting any and all affection Phil wanted to give him with a warm smile now. If Phil wanted to be all lovey-dovey with Dan he should have chosen a warmer place to do it, Dan thought, like at home maybe, wrapped in a nice, comfy duvet on the couch playing video games. Yes, that would be much more preferable than this. But as Dan took a step back away from Phil, the smile on Phil's face disappeared when he realised it looked like Dan was being serious here.

'Oh, please, _Dan_ ,' he pleaded, managing to grab Dan's hand to pull him closer again before he backed into a fence. 'Don't be like that. Not today,' he begged, but Dan showed no signs of letting up his campaign any time soon.

'Maybe if you hadn't chosen the coldest fucking day,' Dan muttered, losing the small hint of curiosity he'd held for a moment as soon as a small gust of freezing wind blew, feeling like it cut straight through him as it did so. It was cold and Dan couldn't see what Phil's big deal was, why couldn't they just laugh it off and get back in the car to drive home again? What the hell was Phil planning that so definitely _had_ to include a miserable walk up a god-forsaken hill?

Phil sighed as Dan tore his hand away to cross his arms defiantly across his chest. This was an action that let Phil realise he should probably prepare himself to just give up with the younger boy and give in to him, take him home just to stop him complaining, although it sort of destroyed Phil's entire original plan. If Dan was going to insist on being in such an argumentative mood Phil wasn't so sure he even _wanted_ to carry out that plan anyway. Then again, he considered for a moment, it was mainly the cold Dan seemed opposed to, rather than the idea as a whole, so Phil figured maybe if he just warmed the younger boy up he'd, well, warm to the idea.

'Look, it's fine once you get kitted out properly. Come here; let me zip up your jacket. Dan, don't be stupid, stop moving away,' Phil coaxed him closer, trying not to feel like he was babying his boyfriend although that was, in effect, exactly what was happening. Phil felt more like a concerned parent dressing their child up for a play in the snow instead of the desperate boyfriend trying to make his counterpart see some common sense.

'I look like a fucking marshmallow,' Dan muttered and Phil's expression softened into an adoring smile as he carefully pulled the zip of Dan's padded jacket all the way up, smoothing down the collar before leaving his hand to trail down and rest on Dan's chest while the younger boy pouted in quite the adorable fashion.

'Don't worry. You're a cute marshmallow,' Phil ensured him before leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's cold cheek, hoping enough flirting would put Dan in a good mood again. Dan, however, was still frowning as he tried to dodge the kiss, failing, but he wasn't about to give in to Phil so easily. He was stronger than to just fall to pieces as soon as Phil smiled at him like _that_ , wasn't he?

'Here, put your gloves on too or your hands are going to freeze,' Phil added thoughtfully, pulling a pair from his pocket and handing them to Dan but Dan didn't take them. Instead, he did his best to remain resistant to the whole situation. 'You do it,' he told Phil, sticking his lower lip out, knowing Phil was going to cave at that right away, which was good, considering Dan _did_ sort of like it when Phil tried to take care of him like this. Not that he wasn't going to admit that with a straight face.

'You're such a big baby,' Phil moaned, rolling his eyes, but he was smiling as he did what Dan wanted, feeling warmer towards the younger boy once he realised what Dan was doing. The day wasn't going to be ruined after all; Dan was probably just going to continue with his adorable, teasing pouty displays, but Phil knew he'd look back and think it was all worth it once they got to the top and he saw what Phil had really been planning this whole time.

'I'm your baby, though,' Dan muttered, cheeks flushing pink as Phil's laughter filled the car park. God, Dan was adorable when he was like this, Phil thought with a fond smile as he pulled the cute boy closer. It was sort of impossible for Phil to put into words just how much he loved the boy in front of him although he knew he'd have to try. That's why he was here, after all, he reminded himself, taking a deep breath, trying to keep calm and stick to the plan even as he was contemplating just dropping everything and saying it right now.

'Come here then, give me your hand,' Phil replied still smiling as he resisted, but looking down while he gently took Dan's hand in his own, taking a small moment to allow his fingers to glide gently over the smooth skin of the back of Dan's hand. Keeping his gaze down in concentration, however, Phil missed the small grin that curved up on the corners of Dan's lips as he let _his_ gaze appreciate the small crease in Phil's brow and the soft lip bite that came with his focus, as well as the wonderful feel of Phil's skin on his own before the glove was pulled on gently. Taking extra care to neatly tuck the sleeves of Dan's jacket over the top of the gloves, Phil only stepped back when he was satisfied with his handy work, proud of himself for pulling Dan around when it hadn't looked like today was going to happen for a moment. Dan seemed more than submissive now.

'I'm still cold,' Dan complained, even though in reality Phil's affectionate treatment was warming him thoroughly. He just wanted more of Phil's gentle touches and acting like a whiny baby seemed to be working so far for him, so he wasn't going to stop.

'Well, that's because you've got nothing on your head. Here,' Phil said, reaching down to pull a beanie from what seemed to be a never ending pocket of winter wear in the backpack at his feet. Dan, however, thought that was taking things a bit too far. Yes, he was cold, but there were always priorities.

'No, stop!' He cried as Phil moved forward, beginning to reach up threateningly with the offending hat. 'It's going to mess up my hair,' Dan pouted, ducking out of the older boy's way. Phil sighed, crossing his arms as he stood back, looking at Dan now with a gaze of warning.

'Do you want to be warm or not? You lose the most heat from your head?' he reminded the stubborn brunet, and Dan's frown of distaste deepened as he muttered a rough 'fine' under Phil's more stern expression, submitting, albeit with little enthusiasm. Fighting Dan's reluctance, Phil grinned again as he stood on his toes to reach up properly and pull the knitted hat over Dan's hair, before standing back to admire how adorable he looked now, wondering what Dan would possibly find to complain about next.

'Better?' Phil asked with a smile before interrupting any possible sarcastic quip Dan might have come back with. 'Wait, one more thing,' he added excitedly as the brain wave came to him; just how 'over the top winter-ready' could he be? Surely there'd be nothing else Dan could _possibly_ complain was cold after Phil unwrapped his own scarf and transferred it to Dan's neck instead, taking care to brush the delicate skin there just to make Dan shiver as he looped the thick fabric around.

'Anything still cold now?' Phil asked with false exasperation and Dan hesitated, looking thoughtful for a moment before deciding 'my face' and Phil had to roll his eyes but laughed. 'Oh, stop finding excuses,' he giggled, reaching up once more to pull a section of the scarf over Dan's mouth, covering the bottom half of his face while the top half shot an annoyed glare towards the older boy.

'I hate you,' Dan muttered back after a moment once Phil turned away to grab the bag again with a triumphant smile. The scarf muffled his words and Phil laughed at the sound, figuring that was safe considering he could see the smile of affection in Dan's eyes, even if he couldn't see it on his lips.

'What was that, sorry?' Phil asked, feigning innocence because he'd understood Dan perfectly well but it was just too funny to tease him when he was all bundled up like a little child. 'Come on, you'll warm up once we start walking,' he added, swinging the bag onto his back, looking behind him over his shoulder as Dan reluctantly followed behind as they set out towards the path.

'Hiking,' Dan muttered as he fell in line with Phil, yanking down the scarf that was obstructing his mouth to speak, hoping Phil knew that just because he was giving in didn't mean he'd enjoy this.

The first twenty or so minutes were fine as far as Dan was concerned, however, after that he was beginning to grow bored, and that boredom quickly became annoyance, then frustration as the stairs just kept coming and Phil continued to refuse to explain why he'd wanted to hike up a hill in the first place. It didn't help that as soon as Dan started getting a little tired, Phil showed no signs of stopping and pretty soon Dan began lagging behind, trying to keep his eyes anywhere other than the endless looming steps ahead of him.

Dan was getting hungry and hot, although he could hardly start taking layers off now he'd made such a fuss over it being cold. It was only because this was the most exercise he'd done in probably too long, and it was made worse by the fact Phil seemed to be doing such an excellent job of hiding the fact this was a really unnecessary thing to be doing; surely the older boy was getting _just_ as tired, considering he exercised about as frequently as Dan. They were both sort of out of their comfort zones completely on the side of this damn hill, but Phil wasn't letting up, insisting they had to hike all the way up despite every element working against them.

'Come on Dan! You're going to have to go faster than that if you want to reach the top sometime today!' Phil called back, laughing as he stopped a good ten meters ahead of Dan once he realised the poor boy was falling behind. He could tell Dan was probably getting tired, but they were about half way there and Phil was getting more excited and scared every second the closer they got, his nervous energy pushing him forward where Dan fell back.

'Who says I want to reach the top _ever_?' Dan called back sarcastically before muttering something to himself that Phil didn't catch. It was probably something else sarcastic and insulting but Phil didn't bother reacting. Instead he only smiled as Dan slowly trudged up the gentle slope on his way to Phil.

'You do, trust me,' Phil answered as Dan finally caught up, throwing Phil a confused glare as he reached him, wondering what on earth Phil was so excited about. Just how great could the top of a mountain _be_? Sure, the countryside did look sort of pretty with all the snow, like an old postcard or something, but Dan felt he could appreciate that view perfectly fine from the warm interior of a car.

'Phil, have I ever told you how weird you are?' Dan asked as he grabbed onto Phil's outstretched hand to pull him up the last few steps. The question came out probably a bit harsher than he'd meant it, solely because he was a little breathless, but it was okay because Phil just laughed again and for a second Dan believed it was probably worth it. Whatever they were doing out here in the middle of nowhere, it couldn't be that bad, really, just because Phil was laughing about it and Dan would do anything to see that.

'Probably,' the older boy replied with a bright grin that caught his tongue between his teeth. 'Now come on,' he complained lightly with another giggle that made Dan breathless in a whole other way. 'Don't make me drag you!' Phil warned, but he gripped Dan's hand tightly anyway as he began pulling a very reluctant Dan up the hill.

Dan pouted again; they were high enough already weren't they, how much further did they _really_ have to go? In protest he tugged his hand out of Phil's, stopping and putting on his most adorable puppy dog expression when Phil turned around again. 'Can't you carry me?' He whined, wondering if that whole act would still work on Phil or if he'd already pushed it too far.

It did, a little. Phil smiled a smile full of affection in response to Dan's words, knowing obviously he wouldn't be able to actually carry Dan like the younger boy wanted anymore, but it was always cute to see Dan revert back to his timid eighteen-year-old self who was still shorter than Phil. Not that Phil ever _really_ wanted to go back to that time when here, now, they'd had six years worth of amazing memories together and Dan had grown into such a beautiful person because of it all. Phil wouldn't trade that for the world.

'Don't be ridiculous, Dan,' Phil spoke softly, still smiling warmly as he was lost for a moment in Dan's warm brown eyes, remembering why he was here in the first place again, realising what six _perfect_ years had been leading up to. 'Come on, you can hold my hand instead,' he offered, reaching back to Dan who didn't move. Instead, he gave Phil a sullen look, frowning down between his own hands and Phil's out-reached one.

'No, I can't. We're wearing gloves,' he replied, disappointed by the prospect but Phil had to laugh again because Dan really was just being cute on purpose now. He took a step towards the younger boy, taking his hand as soon as he could reach.

'You can still hold my hand, silly. See?' Phil giggled as he entwined their fingers, struggling a little more than normal due to the addition of the woolen fabric, but the gloves weren't so thick as to hold them back from one another completely. Dan, however, was still frowning down at the sight, clearly unsatisfied with how things were turning out.

'It's not the same,' he muttered vaguely, seeming more upset than Phil thought he should have been, like he gloves were _personally_ offending him. Too cute again, Phil couldn't resist but to lean over to plant a soft kiss to Dan's cheek, laughing softly again against Dan's skin.

'Of course it is, Dan,' Phil replied, confused about what exactly Dan was upset about. 'This is how we always hold hands. Your left, my right,' he countered, giving Dan's hand a soft squeeze through the glove as he spoke, glancing down at the sight and falling in love with the brown haired boy all over again. The way they held hands had _always_ been one of Phil's favourite things; not necessarily that the way their fingers entwined was much different, but they'd always _fit_ more perfectly than anyone else might, somehow, Phil thought, and the fact they could both hold on with their dominant hands had always seemed special.

'I can't feel your skin on mine like I usually do,' Dan muttered sadly, looking up from their hand holding to find Phil's loving gaze, the warmest rush of affection flowing through the older boy at Dan's words. He might claim that he was never romantic enough, but really, Dan was perfect without trying; he always said the most amazing things without even stopping to think and made Phil feel like he was so much than just 'special' to Dan every time. This _is why I want to marry this boy_ , Phil thought to himself as his expression softened momentarily.

That gentle smile relaxed into a wider grin a second later, however, as Phil felt a renewed enthusiasm for the hike and he gave Dan's hand another squeeze of encouragement. 'Well, if you _want_ your fingers to freeze off,' he replied suggestively and Dan frowned, having expected Phil to at least be a _little_ sympathetic, but no, he was just back to the same old teasing. Feeling Phil deserved it, having ruined a nice moment, Dan scowled at his boyfriend as they began walking again, albeit more slowly this time so Dan could keep up, keeping a hold of Phil's hands. He was still reluctant, however, trudging along more than walking and kicking small stones out of his way, watching them skip across the path and jump into the snow banks on either side.

Phil watched attentively, stealing glances at the frustrated brunet beside him, hoping he hadn't ruined his chances of Dan being in a good enough mood for his plan by the time they made it to the top. It would be a shame to have to put it off and do it another day when Phil had been planning the moment and what he was going to say for so long now, what felt like his whole life, practically, but wasn't really. Well, unless he claimed his life had never really begun until he'd met Dan anyway, which wouldn't be too far from the truth. Absently, he took his hand out of Dan's to pat the front of his coat, a paranoid reflex to check it was still there, leaving him only able to realise Dan looked more depressed now he wasn't holding Phil's hand once Phil could breath a sigh of relief that yes, it was still exactly where he'd left it.

As Phil withdrew his hand, Dan's expression and his mood fell simultaneously. Walking, no, _hiking_ up this hill so far hadn't exactly been Dan's most favourite thing, but at least Phil had seemed like he was trying his best to convince Dan it would be okay. Why he'd been trying so hard, however, that was what had been confusing Dan from the very start.

'Where did this idea even _come_ from, Phil?' He asked, not meaning to sound harsh or ungrateful for Phil's attempt at switching things up, but of course, the words came out that way anyway. Dan deserved an explanation, though, didn't he? If Phil had the nerve to drag Dan all the way out here, the least he could do was say _why_ , right? 'Since when do you randomly decide to take us on hiking day trips?'

It _was_ a little out of place after all, so it wasn't that Dan _minded_ doing something for Phil, assuming, of course, he understood why Phil wanted to be here in the first place. He was just curious, mostly, a little annoyed about being kept in the dark still, but Phil could immediately tell he'd made a mistake and pushed Dan too far just by his tone.

The older boy stopped then, turning to his boyfriend with a heavy sigh, his breath cloudy in the cold air as it rushed out of him. For a moment he felt like crying as he realised his plan simply wasn't going to happen today like he'd wanted, but that would be for the best, he tried to reassure himself; today simply wasn't the day, it wasn't the right time. Or maybe this had just been a stupid plan from the start. Phil should have realised Dan was far from likely to be cooperative in any plan that involved the outdoors and exercise, but all he'd wanted to do was something a little different to make the day more memorable. Apparently, Dan wasn't going to let him have that, though.

'Do you really not want to do this, Dan?' Phil asked sadly, meeting his boyfriend's shocked gaze, Dan surprised by how personally Phil was taking this, suddenly. He immediately wished he could take his words back if Phil was going to be this upset by his relative lack of enthusiasm. 'We don't have to,' Phil continued, bargaining, 'I just thought it might be fun; we could spend some time together, get out of the house, get some fresh air. There's supposed to be really pretty views from the top and I've brought a picnic and everything. I just wanted it to be a bit romantic,' he finished, honestly feeling a little let down, but he'd blame himself. It _was_ his fault, he should have realised beforehand Dan wouldn't see any of it like that. He'd have to rethink now, save his plan for another day, a better day; he had to do better.

'Freezing to death in each other's arms doesn't scream _romantic_ to me,' Dan laughed, attempting a light joke, trying to get Phil smiling again, but he was cringing as soon as he said it, judging by the look on Phil's face that the older boy really _had_ been taking this as seriously as Dan hadn't realised. Guilt began creeping up into his cheeks, turning them pink as he understood too late that this quality 'them' time had only been an inconvenience to _him_ , and he had to glance away from Phil's discouraged expression out of pure disgust in himself. The only reason he felt cold now was because he could finally see how little regard he'd been giving to Phil's feelings all day. Something his boyfriend had wanted to do and all Dan had done was ruin it for him by moaning all day.

Seeing how little fun Dan was having, however, understanding dawned with Phil too so they both felt guilt; Phil realised Dan hadn't just been putting on his 'whiny baby' act for attention, at least not completely. Phil wanted to kick himself for being so thoughtless as to believe this was something Dan could _actually_ find some happiness in when he knew just about everything about it wouldn't go down well with the younger boy. _Six years_ , he thought to himself, six years and he'd been naive enough to think Dan would give in to something he'd _never_ have chosen to do in a million years himself, all just because _Phil_ wanted to do it. Dan shouldn't have to pander to his boyfriend like that, should he? Phil frowned, knowing he should have done better, should have planned better, but he'd just been so excited and nervous for today he'd barely thought it through at all.

'I'm sorry, Dan, really. We can go home now, if you want. I didn't think the weather would be this bad; I checked, but I thought it would be warmer. That's just bad planning on my part, I'm sorry,' Phil apologized quickly, glancing down at the dirty snow on his boots, wishing he could just start today all over again. It had been fun for a while, almost, but there was only so long the banter could go on before real feelings were hurt. Only what hurt the most right now for Phil was just the thought of having to put it off for another day. They'd been so busy lately, who knew the next time he'd have a whole day with just Dan and no annoying responsibilities to get in the way.

Seeing Phil grow visibly more upset, however, was not something Dan could handle, especially believing his childish behavior was the cause. God, Phil deserved much better than that, didn't he? It wasn't like Dan had _meant_ to upset Phil, of course, but again he'd just been thinking of himself and now he'd ruined _both_ their days. Sometimes he really wasn't sure why Phil bothered with him in the first place and thoughts like that were dangerous. Thoughts like that had always been the biggest barrier between Dan and happiness and if he wasn't careful, he was worried he'd only upset Phil more by falling back into that familiar depressive belief of his; thinking Phil deserved someone better. Why should he want to keep Dan around anyway? What good was Dan really when all he did was upset the boy trying to make him happy by acting like a spoilt brat?

Shaking those demons off, Dan knew he still had to make this right for Phil, prove to him he wasn't going to be a _total_ asshole today, at least. Who gave a shit about the cold really? Not Dan, who'd do anything for his boyfriend when it came down to it.

'No, no, Phil, please,' Dan pleaded, grabbing Phil's hands as he took a step towards him, pulling them both closer as overhead the blue sky grew more overcast, grey clouds looming, growing ever more threatening as each moment passed. _'I'm_ sorry, love. I'm sorry for being such a total dick. I wasn't _trying_ to upset you, I promise, I'm just an idiot. If you want to do this then we'll do it and I'll shut up so I don't ruin it for you, okay. You're right, it's not that cold, I'll survive,' Dan rambled in a desperate attempt to make things right. He didn't want Phil mad or disappointed with him; that was the _last_ thing he'd ever want.

Taken aback by Dan's guilt-ridden apology, however, Phil quietly shook his head, giving Dan a sad but sympathetic smile to let the younger boy know _he_ didn't think it was his fault. Dan _had_ been a little whiny, maybe, but it had been nothing Phil couldn't handle. It wasn't what was most upsetting to him today, not that he could disclose that to Dan considering he had to keep it a secret until the right time came.

'No, it _is_ all my fault,' Dan countered, reading Phil's expression correctly. 'I was being a total cry baby,' he enforced and Phil allowed a softer smile at this, somewhat agreeing.

'Maybe a little bit,' Phil allowed before the half smile dropped again to a more thoughtfully serious gaze, holding Dan's eyes. 'But you're probably right, anyway. We can dress up warm and be okay, but it _is_ stupidly cold out today. I don't want you to get sick and for all we know the weather might get worse from here,' he murmured thoughtfully, casting a wary glance towards the sky before looking back to Dan. 'I mean, I don't really want to be stuck up a mountain and for it to start snowing and we both die of hypothermia or something. That would sort of ruin the mood, don't you think?'

It was sort of touching that both boys were now going out of their way to make the other happy, taking opposite sides of the argument as their situation reversed, so Dan had to laugh at Phil's exaggeration, thinking _he_ was probably overreacting just a little now, about as much as Dan had been to begin with.

'Phil, that won't happen. Look, it's only a couple of miles you said, right; we must be almost there, so we may as well keep going, yeah? I can suck it up and stop being such a wimp. I should probably be getting out a bit more anyway, see, so you're only looking out for me. You don't even need a reason to want to try something different anyway, though. If you want to do this then I'll do it with you, okay, because yeah it's a little chilly, but as long as I'm with you...'

Dan finished with a warm and affectionate smile, the exact smile Phil loved so much, but which he couldn't return right now when the plan was still ruined no matter what Dan said. It just wasn't the right time anymore and it was _such_ an important thing the time had to be absolutely _perfect_ ; the memory should be completely untainted. Dan could say whatever he had to, and even though Phil did believe him, there still wasn't quite the right feel to the moment anymore, so there still wasn't much point being here anyway.

'Thanks,' Phil started with half an unenthusiastic smile back at his boyfriend, squeezing Dan's hands lightly to let him know the thought was appreciated, but Phil was shaking his head again. 'But I still think we should wait for a warmer day. I don't want you to be in a bad mood for when I-'

Phil stopped abruptly, the look of horror crossing his face quickly before he had the sense to hurriedly rearrange his features lest Dan took notice. Even if Dan _hadn't_ been paying the closest of attention to his boyfriend, however, Phil still made his double take sort of obvious.

'When you what, Phil?' Dan asked gently, probing because he was curious now as to what Phil had caught himself in the middle of saying, but also cautious because he could see Phil looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Dan frowned at him, wondering why the reason behind today had to be a surprise anyway, and was that what Phil had been about to reveal accidentally? Was Dan supposed to guess; was this Phil constructing some strange little game for him?

'Nothing,' Phil replied quickly, too quickly, wanting to punch himself in the face for nearly giving it away because he knew Dan wasn't going to give up now until he knew, and if Phil didn't tell him he'd start guessing and that was just going to ruin the whole thing. 'It's nothing,' Phil tried again more calmly, trying to be a bit more convincing, but it was too late for that.

'Phil, it's not nothing. I can see straight through you, even with all those layers on,' Dan laughed kindly, pulling a pouting Phil closer and kissing him softly once on the cheek, his lips cold at first but leaving a pleasant warmness there once they were gone. 'What's wrong? You can tell me,' Dan pleaded, giving a small, needy tug on Phil's jacket as the older boy sighed, glancing out towards the rolling fields dusted with a covering of snow that looked like icing sugar. It really _was_ beautiful out here and it would have been the perfect place to do it, Phil _had_ thought, if it hadn't been so damn cold. _Stupid weather in the UK always ruins everything_ , Phil added in his head as he looked back to Dan.

As he did, however, meeting Dan's expectant gaze, Phil couldn't help but feel at ease, despite how wrong everything had gone. When he was standing here with Dan, yes, the love of his life, as cheesy as that sounded, it really was hard to believe anything could be _that_ much of a disaster. In Dan's expression looking back at Phil there was nothing but a love and warmth that Phil had always known he wanted for the rest of his life, and suddenly, right now, he didn't want to wait another moment to get there.

Life wasn't perfect, nothing was, and if Phil was waiting for the perfect time to do it, he'd be waiting the rest of his life and wasting all that time he was supposed to be spending being happy. They were here now and this moment was good enough; they were a little cold and it was starting to snow on them, but that could be a miracle instead of an annoyance if they let it. Yeah, they'd been arguing, sort of, but it had ended where they'd both realised their mistakes, gotten over it, and they were together and alone and perfect for each other, so that was all that mattered really. What better time than now, a moment that was nothing special, certainly not perfect by many standards, not a fairytale, but it was _theirs,_ and when that was the case nothing could ever be too far from right.

'Nothing's wrong. I was just going to propose-to-you-at-the-top-of-the-hill,' Phil spoke quickly, slurring the words together in a nervous rush, knowing there was no taking it back now. This was the moment of truth and he held his breath, mind racing as fast as his heart as he waited for Dan's answer, wondering if he was supposed to say something else, if Dan had even heard properly, but his mind too numb to be scared about if the answer was no, thankfully.

On the other end Dan frowned, his eyes widening as he _thought_ he'd heard Phil correctly, but then again, surely he couldn't have because Phil had said...

'What was that again, sorry, love?' Dan questioned with a small shake of his head in disbelieve as he looked to Phil, frozen but not from the cold anymore. Looking back, Phil appeared slightly wild for a second as he opened his mouth before shaking his head, muttering something to himself as he squeezed his eyes shut then taking a step back, unzipping his jacket. He fumbled about for a painful minute as Dan watched, understanding slowly dawning on his face and he realised he was trembling quite violently as he was fairly certain now of what Phil was about to do.

Phil struggled with the inner zip of his jacket, trying and giving up with a frustrated groan. This was so far from how he'd imagined this moment that he couldn't even remember what he'd wanted to say. He'd planned a whole big speech dammit, but right now he couldn't remember a single word of it because he was so flustered but oh well. Whatever he'd been going to say Dan knew it all already, Phil was sure. He'd said it, probably, before and he'd say it all again for Dan to hear at some point too. He'd be able to because he'd have the rest of his life to tell Dan just what he meant to him. That was assuming he could ever actually get down to the proposing part, which required breaking into the inner jacket pocket where he'd hidden the ring, a task that currently was a little impossible.

'Stupid gloves,' Phil muttered to himself, giving up and ripping them off, exposing his already shaking hands to the cold air, becoming hyper aware of the fact snow was clinging to his hair and he looked a frantic mess, but that didn't matter because Dan was standing there in front of him looking absolutely beautiful in his slight confusion over what was going on. Eventually, however, Phil could reach into the pocket, a sigh of relief washing over him that calmed him down as he met Dan's gaze. Pulling the tiny box free and then smiling, he sunk down onto one knee.

'Dan, will you marry me?'

Whatever Dan had been expecting all day it definitely wasn't this, and even though at this point he'd sort of guessed, it still came as the biggest shock ever. Overwhelming emotions taking control that Dan couldn't even _begin_ to comprehend, he struggled for a split second over what to say before he just ended up screaming the first thought that came to mind.

 _'What the fuck?!_ '

The _only_ thought in Dan's mind was Phil and getting to him so, grinning like an absolutely idiot, he threw himself into the poor boy as Phil had tried to stand up, wrapping his arms tightly around his boyfriend, no, _fiancé_ , and knocking them both backwards into the snow bank.

 _'Dan!_ ' Phil cried with a small yelp, but he was laughing as Dan practically tackled him to the ground out of excitement, cutting off any more words the older boy might have said in favour of planting a deep kiss onto his lips, and just about anywhere else he could reach laying down at such an awkward angle, covered in snow.

'You wanted to drag me all the way up this damn hill to ask me _that?_ That's what all this was about?!' Dan laughed in between kisses as Phil grinned, flipping them over in the snow so he was looking down at the smiling boy beneath him. There was one thing that was perfect after all, Phil thought: _Dan_.

'God, why can't you just be normal and do it in a fancy restaurant or something?' Dan added with a laugh that Phil shut up with another kiss, met with a smile from Dan when he pulled away again, of which all the happiness contained there spoke a completely different story: I love you for _not_ being normal.

'So...is that a yes then?' Phil asked teasingly once Dan seemed done kissing him, for now at least. The older boy laughed kindly as Dan sat up, his expression blanching as white as the snow as he looked to Phil in shock.

'Oh _shit!_ ' He exclaimed as he realised, pulling another soft peal of laughter from Phil, who carefully brushed the snowflakes out of Dan's hair when the younger boy gave him a sheepish grin for a moment. 'Did I forget to say that?'

Phil nodded but he was smiling still, already knowing the answer as Dan pulled him into a close hug, murmuring gently somewhere down near Phil's neck. 'Yes, yes, _yes_ , Phil. It's the biggest yes in the world!' He grinned, lips against Phil's skin for a moment before he pulled back from a confused Phil, meeting the older boy's concerned gaze with an amused smile while they both shivered in the snow.

'But please, let's get married in the summer.'


End file.
